Thursday, January 19, 2006
drifting ::
directionless
head or heart
commonsense or irrationality
staying level
whilst having filghts of fantasy
a nightmarish reality
or dreams brought to life?
a heart sundered
but a sanity of mind
what choices we face -
all of you and me
maybe I will sailaway
sailiaway
into the seas of time
this is
nothingless
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 9:28 AM
Friday, January 13, 2006
Memoirs of a Power Hungry CashierI feel like one of those little children with plastic cashiers on a power trip. A big power trip.
On my first day at work , I got to press the bloody cash button so many times I though it would break off. It didn`t.
I got to hear the 'ka-ching!' every time I scanned an item.
I learnt that oranges have identity crises - there`s your mandarin orange , sunkist orange , china navel orange , australian navel orange , kinnow oranges, swatou oranges and last but not least your
large china navel orange . all of course with a different price.
I also learnt that a dragon fruit is spiky , that chicken comes in un-halal form , that a kampong chicken DOES NOT mean it`s halal , that garoupas are technicolour (black or red).
Other things I learnt are that no one can tell chinese celery apart from parsley and certainly not apart from chinese parsley . Don`t even try .
A Leek is a fat spring onion , and xiao bai chye is having a twin-moment with mini kai lan. don`t bother trying to tell them apart too.
Does anyone know what a Baby Banyang , Kee Chye , Wa Chye or watercress is?
I give up.
Ka-Ching !
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 7:47 AM
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
a maelstrom of thoughts , a whirlwind of confusion
hmm .. what am i doing , what am i looking for ?
ghosts should stay in the past ... shouldn`t they ?
i walk the streets of yesteryearand i see how they've changedi believed once but the truth has gone.yes you caught my eyeas you walked on by and i don`t think i may see you againbut we shared a moment that will last till the end.people changebut memories will stay the same.don`t wear your heart on your sleevescos people will just tear it apart.broken promises, false hopes, expectations. fantasies that are not met, hopes that are dashed... maybe this is my wake up call.
maybe this is my life.
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 11:06 AM
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Little by Little - Oasis
`Cos little by little
We gave you everything
You ever dreamed of
Little by little
The wheels of your life
Have slowly fallen off
Little by little
You have to give it all in all your life
And all the time I just ask myself why
You're really here
True perfection has to be imperfect
I know that that sounds foolish but it's true
The day has come
And now you'll have to accept
The life inside your head we give to you
You know I didn't mean
What I just said
But my God woke up
On the wrong side of his bed
And it just don't matter now Cliched but true. Why are most cliches true? As my wise friend says , there is truth in every myth, and a grain of fiction in every true story.Do you want to be average , or more? Are you doing anything about it?
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 4:11 PM
Sunday, January 01, 2006
time just flies , doesn`t it ? it sounds like such a cliche , but i do find myself asking myself where the year 2005 went . it seems like in a blink of an eye , 2005 was history . as you grow older , time becomes more precious ... and it goes by faster ... so TREASURE IT !
here are some pics for you to feast your eyes on ... 2005 was such a vibrant year which taught me so much it can`t be described . but people say a picture is worth a thousand words ... so here it is. My 2005 .
si xian - one of my special girls - jingying + julia . (: RCY 4eva !
A very blurry pic of jingying ! lol. (:
the arrival of Lil Jace Jr .
last christmas i gave you my heart ... the very next day , you gave it away ... this year , to save me from tears , i`ll give it to someone special .. did i manage to do that ? only time will tell (:
finally ... the tiramisu you`ve owed me for a year now . paid in due . mmmm yummy .
ooh yummy . hahahahah (: not as yummy as oliver james or orlando bloom .. but he'll do. ;)
"duck girls"
don`t blame it on sunshine , don`t blame it on moonlight ... don`t blame it on the good times , blame it on the boogie !
parallel lives. in many many ways. (: my shower buddy too !
endless karaoke sessions.
afternoons spent in the sun "photosynthesizing"
Random spastic attacks such as this one.
Bad hair days ? No , never ! [From Left] Flik , me , Chelle.
OHCWA ... i`ll be seeing more of you next year (:
pssttt... do you know it`s illegal to take photos in MRT stations?
cute mixed kids . speaking of which .. i saw one today . veryyy hot.
pig brain juice.
together in hearts , never apart
library sessions!
And that is the end of a special year . Who knows what may come this year...
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 10:08 PM
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause you`re only almost hereDo I have a 2006 resolution ? More of a wish maybe ..
Have you read the lyrics to Just The Way You Are ?
link x
http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Just-The-Way-You-Are-lyrics-Billy-Joel/787EB4CCF89D7C8948256870001B4C6C x
Have you really thought of the meaning behind the words ?
Have you ever asked yourself , whether or not they mean anything to you ?
I wish..
I wish for a declaration of some sort. I don`t know. something that just EXPRESSES the way you feel.
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 9:04 PM
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Once upon a time, there was a bird. He was adorned with two perfect wings and with glossy, colourful, marvellous feathers. In short, he was a creature made to fly about freely in the sky, bringing joy to everyone who saw him.
One day, a woman saw this bird and fell in love with him. She watched his flight, her mouth wide in amazement, her heart pounding, her eyes shining with excitement. She invited the bird to fly with her, and the two travelled across the sky in perfect harmony. She admired and venerated and celebrated that bird.
But then she thought: He might want to visit far-off mountains! And she was afraid, afraid that she would never feel the same way about any other bird. And she felt envy, envy for the bird's ability to fly.
And she felt alone.
And she thought: 'I'm going to set a trap. The next time the bird appears, he will never leave again.'
The bird, who was also in love, returned the following day, fell into the trap and was put in a cage.
She looked at the bird everyday. There he was, the object of her passion, and she showed him to her friends, who said: 'Now you have everything you could possibly want.' However, a strange transformation began to take place: now that she had the bird and no longer needed to woo him, she began to lose interest. The bird, unable to fly and express the true meaning of his Life, began to waste away and his feathers to lose their gloss; he grew ugly; and the woman no longer paid him any attention, except by feeding him and cleaning his cage.
One day, the bird died. The woman felt terribly sad and spent all her time thinking about him. But she did not remember the cage, she thought only of the day when she had seen him for the first time, flying contentedly amongst the clouds.
If she had looked more deeply into herself, she would have realised that what had thrilled her about the bird was his freedom, the energy of his wings in motion, not his physical body.
Without the bird, her life too lost all meaning, and Death came knocking at her door. 'Why have you come?' she asked Death. 'So that you can fly once more with him across the sky,' Death replied. 'If you had allowed him to come and go, you would have loved and admired him even more; alas, you now need me in order to find him again.'
"True freedom is having the most important thing in the world without owning it."- Paulo Coelho
I understand now.
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 10:46 PM
been abit absent these last few days ... its not as if anyone comes here anyhow ... but yes , continuing on ... these few days have been hectic ... been going around singapore , getting lost in orchard road , running around katong to trying the katong famous laksa .. etc etc . and absolutely resisting gordo persuading me to para para . or in his words ,
piyo piyo.
THIS is piyo piyo.
THESE are people attempting to do the para para.
what can i say ?
also , watched aeonflux with gordo .
very good show .. love survives death .. and u also realise that u appreciate life because of the presence of death .. bcause you only have one shot at life , and everything you do counts . Death is what makes everything you do in your life meaningful.
very very good show .
the haircutone more thing gordo and i have noticed. guys here have the coolest hair ! or in gordo's case , 'high maintenance hair' . i.e. fringe sloping to one side, and hair at back messily contained with hair wax . unfortunately , that makes it untouchable . just imagine - like that day ah , i was sitting on bus 31 which was empty so some guy thought he`d get some action with his girl
ON THE BUS SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME ! and the girl runs her hand through his hair and .. "wah lao don`t touch my hair lah !" -whips out comb , frantically fixes his hair . `nuff said.-
Night Safari...was cool . otters were cute , flying squirrels were cute , clouded leopards were cute , recycling otters were even cuter , otter which was addicted to tin can was EVEN cuter , and tiffany and gordo were cute together ! actually scrap that . gordo isn`t cute . jumping on suspension bridge to make me and tiff panic is not cute . !
hmm and that is the end of clare`s adventures - or misadventures - in singapore so far . stay tuned for more (:
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 8:37 PM
Saturday, December 10, 2005
all i ask is some of your time.
maybe that`s too much to ask for .
all i can say is - actions speak louder than words.
I ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable...known someone that could level you with her eyes. Feeling like God put an angel on Earth just for you..who could rescue you from the depths of Hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, and to have that love for her be there forever. Through anything. Through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleepin' sittin' up in a hospital room for two months, holding her hand because the doctors could see in your eyes that the terms visiting hours don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, because that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much.
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 4:38 AM
Thursday, December 08, 2005
pupxi miss you so bad.
sigh .
i wish ..
i wish that you were here .
happy birthday . to my best friend . to the person who listens to me , makes me laugh , comforts me when i'm down . to someone who is the light of my life .
happy birthday.
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 9:53 PM
Monday, December 05, 2005
i missed the birthday of my best friend today . if i could have a wish this very moment, it would be to appear by your side in perth just for tonight to be with you as you blow out your birthday candles .
oceans apart.
our hearts still as one ?
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 10:51 PM
Friday, December 02, 2005
as night falls
the shadows lengthen
the echoes deepen
my soul dreams.
in my subconscious
i remember.
i remember , i dream of
the breath of your whisper
3 words past my ear
the feel of your fingertips
running down my back
a ghost of a kiss-
an imprint on my heart.
i dont know
how it happened
you found a place in my heart
and there you'll stay...
maybe now, maybe forever...
this is you and me.
this is now.
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 8:34 PM
Monday, November 28, 2005
I rock too fast for love ...
Small, simple, safe price. Wake me up and take me away.Carry me where fantasies take over.
You left behind a cutThis is not a small cut that dries and heals
This is a scar on my heart.And I'm not afraid to bleed, and fight.
Love is not anything.
Especially a cutting knife. ... forever footloose in my velcro shoesI am nobody ...... and that is what makes me strong.
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 6:17 PM
in line with my newfound cynical self...If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 5:39 PM
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing here. Why was I born, what purpose do I serve in this great scheme? Sometimes I think that I'm just such an insignificant pawn in such a huge chessboard, and that my actions are of irrelevance. I guess when it comes down to it, I'm afraid. Afraid to be different. Ever since I was young we were taught to listen to instructions, to never question what your elders teach you.
Compliant we were, our loss of individuality had already begun. You grow up never truly appreciating the difference around you, the individuals that were once bright and sunny begin to lose their identity... began to conform. The pressures of modern life are just overwhelming. How I regret acting so badly around Joo Khai. He was just trying to express himself. Maybe he did this very inappropriately and maybe he got on my nerves more than a few times, but it did not call for me to treat him so badly. He is still a human being in his own right, with his own thoughts. He does not deserve to be treated the way I treated him long ago. You grow up living for others. Being what others want you to be. How many people doing Medicine or Dentistry... doing it just because society respects doctors. For the title, for the salary, for the knowledge that they are superior ? Is that a suitable reason? When there are so many others, desperately wanting to get into Medicine or Dentistry, because they truly enjoy what they are doing, because they truly want to make a difference? Are you here because you truly wish to be here, or are you here for someone else? I wish I knew. But everyone has a reason to be here.
There is a reason for everything under the earth. There is a reason why the bear hibernates. Why people seek solace in faith. Why gays exist (
they are actually born with a transcribed gene that increases their tendencies FYI). Why exams must be done (
hard as it is to believe). But before you get caught up, ask yourself these questions...
- how have you helped others throughout all these years?
- are you happy with who you are ?
- have you changed someone’s life for the better?
- have you lived an enriching life?
- do you show love to a few people or everyone including your enemies?
- do you have true friends?
- do you have memories you are happy to carry to your death?
- are you willing to give up all the money you have in this world?
- have you found a meaning in life?
No? Neither have I. But life goes on... Keep on dreaming for tomorrow, but live for the day... dance like no one is watching, sing like nobody’s listening, love like your heart has never been broken before... and maybe, just maybe, you will truly discover the mysteries of Life and all that it brings.
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 11:05 AM
Saturday, November 26, 2005
When your lonely heart breaks
Don't sit counting your mistakes
Don't be waiting
for love to come back
Don't be wastin' time
Don't be lost in crime
When your lonely heart breaks
When your lonely heart breaks. i will not be waiting for love to come back . i see the truth now . love was never meant for me . it`s never worked out . why should it work out now ? i was living in a fairytale but this is reality . all i want is someone who won`t always give me my way . someone who`s passionate . someone who means what he does . someone who`s willing to fight for me.oh wait . that`s right . fairytales don`t exist. and princes don`t exist in real life .me , bitter ?it`s all about the context, honey . i knew what i was getting into . i knew why i didn`t want to fall in love or make myself so vulnerable . i thought i learnt that lesson long ago . i guess i was weak .i shall not be making that mistake again .written with a pen,sealed with a kiss.if you`re still willing to try,please answer this :do you love me or do you not?you told me once but i forgot .so tell me now and tell me true ,so i may again soar on eagle`s wings...maybe in the first place i should have told you this .Don`t .don`t care so much for me,i may get used to it.
don`t come so close to me,i may not be able to detatch myself from it.
don`t put so much faith in me,i may not be able to handle it.don`t touch me the way you do,i may not be able to get over it.don`t become a part of my life,
cos without you i won`t be able to live it.
don`t make me fall for you,i may not be able to fall out of it.
don`t come into my life,if you`re leaving me
don`t give me the hopethat you`re going to stay.
cos love is an emotioni won`t be able to hide.
when love isn`t reciprocated with loveit hurts deep inside
don`t start somethingthat i won`t be able to end.don`t make me beliveyou could be more than a friend
cos at the end of it alli don`t want to hear you saythat "i`m sorry.i never felt that way."
but it`s too late now , isn`t it ? don`t get me wrong . those memories were very real . i knew what i risked the day we went into a relationship . it`s up to you to decide what ends this relationship . feelings dying , or circumstance . maybe to you it was all just abit of fun. who knows ?
and yes did i mention i was bitter ?
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 6:32 PM
just got back from marine parade (yes darren it rocks). ummm . went there, had a haircut omg i LOVE my haircut (: a good one, for once in like 3 years . and then went to get my CNY clothes .. just a skirt , grey one as a matter of a fact . my first grey skirt - $21.00 . went shoe hunting - found the perfect ballet pumps, only $17.99 . ummm . also found a nice tankini - $57.75 hey look it`s a mirror image . i think there`s a word for that . hmm . need to convince parents to spend on tankini and shoes *sobsob*
i need a job, PRONTO.
before haircut...
after haircut, trying out tankini
close up of after haircutand on the bus, me and my bro got a little bored . sue us, it`s a 15 minute bus ride with nothing to do !
my bro taking a piccie of me! yes he loves the haircut too! ;P
me and my bro contemplating the mysteries of the universe. in a bus, too.
yea that`s right we`re so cool! :Pamazing what boredom can drive people to do .
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 3:38 PM
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
I would have given you all of my heart
but there's someone who's torn it apart
and she's taking almost all that I've got
but if you want, I'll try to love again
baby I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
'cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me she's worst
but when it comes to being loved she's first
that's how I know
The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
I still want you by my side
just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
cause I'm sure gonna give you a try
and if you want, I'll try to love again
but baby, I'll try to love again, but I know
This is for what could be ... what might have been ... and what might still be ... or might not. the princess no longer dares hope. fairytales are things of the past. here is reality.
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Everyone says the path of love is never easy. Why has it got to be this hard ? Why do you mean so much to me ? Maybe its true, maybe I should give up on love.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
x[clare]x pouring out her unconfused soul @ 11:55 PM
